Aoshisama? My Stomach Hurts
by Kitten Kisses
Summary: The Stomach chewing demons have Misao! Aoshi, you have to help her! [FIC DISCONTINUED DUE TO MY LACK OF INTEREST.]
1. Friday

Aoshi-sama.......? My Stomach Hurts.......  
  
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Hey everyone! ^.^ I'm back with the last sequel of.......SCD! If you don't know what SCD is, oh well. Check my profile and read it!  
  
1.) Stomach-Chewing Demons  
  
2.) Someone Call A Doctor! Wait, I Am A Doctor!  
  
3.) Aoshi-sama.......My Stomach Hurts.......  
  
~*~  
  
Those are the three fics in order, though you don't have to read them that way. ^^;; Heehee, well, I hope you all enjoy this one. *crosses fingers* I'll try extra hard to make it really fluffy with a lot of WAFF! ^-~  
  
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FRIDAY MORNING ^__^  
  
Misao set the tray in front of Aoshi and started making his tea quickly. Man, something just didn't feel right. A tightening in her stomach told her the answer. WHY ON A FRIDAY OF ALL DAYS?! And right before her birthday too. She scowled at the teacup that she was handing Aoshi and stood up.  
  
"Er.......I have to leave early today Aoshi-sama," she explained quickly. "Uhm....... so I guess you'll have to bring the tray back.......gomen ne......." she bowed and took off as quickly as she could back home. Where her.......'stuff' was.  
  
She ran inside, grabbed 'everything' and dashed out, ignoring Omasu's questions.  
  
What was she supposed to say?  
  
Well, er.......I think I'm about to start my 'thing' again this month, so I had to leave Aoshi with the tea tray so I wouldn't leak all over the temple floor.  
  
Ha! Yeah right.  
  
Period.......period.......period.......why the heck was it called that?! It sure didn't come out looking like a period. It should be called something else.  
  
The blood flood?  
  
The red wave?  
  
Crimson river?  
  
Hm.......  
  
But why a period? Even 'red waterfall' would make more sense.  
  
She didn't even WANT to think about other reasons why it might be called a 'period'. Everything she thought of had to do with a period's shape. Round. Well, it sure didn't come out round like that in the ripped up sheets.......  
  
Never mind. She shut her mind off at that. Her thoughts were getting too perverse.  
  
A man must have made up the name.  
  
Another tugging came from her stomach, and she rushed to the outhouse impatiently. If she didn't hurry, she'd be leaving a nice shiny red trail behind her. Wouldn't that be nice?  
  
She yanked on the outhouse door, but it was locked. "What?!" she screeched impatiently.  
  
"Hold on there my pretty Misao-chan. Jiya's almost done taking his dump......."  
  
Misao gagged and staggered behind some trees. She wasn't so sure she wanted to change in the bathroom, but she had to change before, well, it leaked everywhere! Actually, she wanted to change before it leaked into her clothes period.  
  
Ugh, what a pun.  
  
And she wasn't even trying.  
  
She wondered how Megumi was doing making up that 'Tidol' stuff. Last she heard, the newly married couple were trying together to invest something called a.......what was it?  
  
She thought.......  
  
And thought.......  
  
A laxi fad? A traxi rad?  
  
Ah, something like that.  
  
She hoped they'd be done 'inventing' soon. Then she wouldn't have to keep those nice ripped-up sheets anymore. Picturing Sanosuke thinking about something to help stop leaks for a 'period' was funny.  
  
Jiya finally ambled out of the outhouse, his pink bow hanging limply down. It was wet.  
  
OHHHH MYYYYY GOOODDDDD!  
  
She WAS NOT going in there. Not for a week- at least.  
  
She thought about informing Omasu so the other woman wouldn't be 'poisoned' but decided against it. Should she tell Aoshi-sama?  
  
Nahhhhh......  
  
He'd deserve it for ignoring her.  
  
Hm.......  
  
She ran into the woods and was just about to put those 'sheets' to good use when she heard a voice.  
  
She looked around the tree to see Kuro feeding the birds.  
  
Oh.......my.......God.......  
  
She was really getting impatient.  
  
She counted to ten (actually, she never made it past two) and ran away.  
  
A good 50 yards away, she finally found solitude. She was just hoping that Shiro and Aoshi were nowhere nearby. Actually, hopefully NOBODY was nearby, but ESPECIALLY not anyone from the Aoiya, and especially not Aoshi- sama.  
  
After that task was complete, she ran back to the Aoiya just in time for the mail. She grabbed up a thick letter for her and opened it anxiously.  
  
It was from Kaoru! Kenji was doing great, and.......and.......  
  
What?  
  
What was a 'sampon?'  
  
Oh....... Her face reddened as she read.  
  
The 'laxi fad' had been a failure, and Megumi was still trying it out, but she'd come up with a [very early version of a] sampon. Kaoru got to be the first person to try it out. Woopie-doo. No fair.  
  
Kaoru's words made her blush even harder.  
  
Especially when the older woman explained in detail how it worked.  
  
'And it hurts really bad when you pull it out....... Megumi says that I'm lucky, because I've already had sex. If I hadn't, I'd really have to tug to get the 'bloody' (haha) thing out! I laughed when I pictured giving you a box of them! I think that Megumi's going to change the name from sampon to tampon though, cause she wants to. Don't ask. Anyway, I'm sorry you can't use them, cause they work great. It took me a whole week to get used to them. I'd send you some, but I don't want you walking around stiff-legged and stuff in front of your Aoshi-sama, now would I? He might want to....... investigate the matter to see what was wrong! Well, that's all the news for now! I'll update you when the laxi fad is done. Though, I've got a feeling Megumi will change the name soon too. She tends to do that. Well, write back soon Misao-chan!'  
  
Misao crammed the letter into her pocket, her face as red as an overripe cherry. She ran to her room and stuffed the letter into her dresser. She'd write Kaoru back later. AFTER she stopped blushing.  
  
"My, my pretty Misao, what's wrong? Have you been running to long again?" Jiya asked her. "You really shouldn't work yourself so Misao-chan. We want you in good shape for your birthday next Wednesday!"  
  
"Hai gramps. Whatever you say......." Misao left with her face even redder than previously.  
  
"HEY MISAO! GET IN HERE AND HELP US OLD FOLK COOK!" Shiro yelled.  
  
"Yeah!" Omasu agreed. "If we have to serve, you should help cook."  
  
"Hmph! I'm your Okashira, I shouldn't have to cook......." she grumbled, going over to cook anyway.  
  
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FRIDAY NIGHT ^____^  
  
Misao tossed and turned in her bed, trying to get comfortable. It wasn't easy with the extra ripped sheets she'd piled on just to 'make sure' that nothing 'bad' happened.  
  
Then she got an idea! Everyone was asleep, since it was nearly midnight. Well, except Aoshi, because he wasn't back yet.  
  
She'd write Kaoru a reply.  
  
She lit a candle and dug the note from her dresser, getting her ink and pen and a piece of paper. Then she began her note.  
  
Kaoru,  
  
Well, .......I really don't know what to say to your letter. It really is too bad that the 'laxi fad' didn't work out. But it's good that the tampon/sampon did. Whatever it's called now....... Well, how are Kenshin and Kenji? What about Megumi and Sano? Are they expecting their first child yet? It's been nearly a year. They should hurry up. I'll bet Yahiko's still calling you a 'busu' and stuff. It's boring over here. Yahiko would tell me that I was pregnant right about now. My stomach really hurts this time. Ah, this sucks. But see, it's not only my stomach, my chest hurts too. Maybe I should just go to sleep?  
  
I can't go to sleep tonight though. You'd think losing so much blood would make me tired, but it's not. I'm so awake right now, I could probably bounce off the walls if I wasn't afraid of getting into trouble. Aoshi- sama's staying late at the temple tonight. I wish he'd just come home in time for dinner for once. I feel really bad, since I forgot to bring him dinner. So I left some dinner covered and [hopefully] still warm in the kitchen, and a note saying when I heated it up last. Hm, well, I'll send this to you! I hope you can reply back soon.  
  
Love,  
  
Misao Makimachi  
  
She was just folding the note when she heard a 'clinking' down in the kitchen.  
  
YAYYYYYYY! Aoshi-sama was BACKKKK!  
  
She started folding the note again, and, a few minutes later, she listened to Aoshi's footsteps coming up the stairs a few feet away from her room. He paused outside of her room and slid open the door with the hand that wasn't holding his dinner.  
  
"Konban wa Aoshi-sama!" Misao said quietly, sticking the letter in an envelope and writing Kaoru's name on the front. "Gomen ne about forgetting your dinner......."  
  
"It's fine," he said softly. "Why are you still awake?"  
  
"Ah, well, I couldn't sleep, so I decided to write Kaoru-chan. I received a letter from her today. Nothing's going on over there really. Kenji's birthday is in a few months though."  
  
"Aa......." he mumbled. "A nice kid."  
  
"You remember him Aoshi-sama?" she asked. "I mean......." she blushed. "I didn't think you even saw him at all for the two days we were there last."  
  
"Aa, I saw him," he said, turning around. "You should get to sleep."  
  
"Hai Aoshi-sama! Oyasumi nasái , shínsetsu na yumé......." [goodnight, sweet dreams]  
  
"Anáta mo. [you too]  
  
Misao smiled sweetly. She set the folded letter in her top dresser drawer and blew out the candle. Aoshi just wished her sweet dreams....... Now maybe she could sleep!  
  
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NOTE::::: Anáta means YOU, as in "anáta mo" which means, you too, or, you also. Same to you. However you want to say it. The other way around though, it means sweetheart, of course.......Heehee, I don't think that's quite what Aoshi meant. Besides, isn't Anata only to a husband from his wife? Hm.......  
  
REVIEW PLEASE!  
  
Oh, one more thing. 'Tidol' is trademark of Kawaii-chan, she's the one who wrote "Tsubame and the Crimson Tsunami" I'm not trying to copy your fic Kawaii-chan! I'm just trying to tie them in together closer!  
  
And to those who didn't know, there's now an Inuyasha counterpart to these SCD fics, and it's called "TOM" which stands for.......TIME OF THE MONTH! Lol! It's by Zoutou! Read them if you get a chance, alright?  
  
~~~Okashira Misao  
  
REVVVIEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWW please? =P 


	2. Saturday! WAFF!

Yes! I'm glad everyone's liking this~! Oh, and to answer a couple of questions, this IS fun to write! No, I'm not done, I just had to post up the chapter I had done.......^^;; I can't write things completely out, I'm a failure.......^^;;;  
  
I was thinking about maybe doing a humor melee-one where there was only humor, and where all the girls were on it at the same time.......what do you think?  
  
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SATURDAY!!  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own it, and I hate writing these.......^^  
  
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Misao yawned and flipped over on her futon. It was too early to get up.......and the pounding downstairs was making it awfully hard to stay asleep. She pulled her blankets over her head and complained mentally.  
  
It just wasn't fair. Every time she tried to sleep in, something woke her up.  
  
And every time she tried to get up early, she ended up sleeping in.  
  
She was TIREDDDD! Blood loss = tiredness.  
  
"MISAOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Okina sang, yanking open her shoji. "GUESS WHAT?!"  
  
"You're getting married?" Misao guessed, pulling her blanket up over her head and off of her legs.  
  
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! KAORU, KENSHIN, YAHIKO, AND KENJI ARE HERE! THEY CAME TO VISIT YOUUUU!"  
  
"Stop yelling Jiya," she moaned, wrapping her blanket around her head to block out the noise.  
  
"You know Misao, you look really dorky with that blanket wrapped around your head......."  
  
"Wha?!" Misao jumped, trying to pull the blanket from her head but not succeeding. She tripped and fell flat on her face. "Ow.......my nose......." she whined, rubbing it. "Now I'm going to have a giant bruise on my face......."  
  
"Misao nee-chan is strange!" a little boy spoke up.  
  
"Kenji?!" Misao squealed, yanking the blanket off of her head this time, without falling. "Aww you're all grown up!" she reached over and plucked the little boy from his mother. "You're so adorable!"  
  
"Yay! Thanks Misao nee-chan!" Kenji beamed, wrapping his little arms around his 'sister's' neck. "Do you still love Kenji-chan?"  
  
"Of course I do!" Misao cooed, ruffling the boy's red hair. "Who couldn't love you?"  
  
"Unca' Hiko," Kenji frowned. "He said I was a 'baka deshi'. I'm not a baka deshi, am I?"  
  
"Oh!" Misao grinned. "He meant that you're just like your dad!"  
  
"Just like 'Tou-san? Oh boy!"  
  
"Hey!" Kenshin protested, slapping a hand over his forehead.  
  
"Come on Kenji-chan, Misao has to get dressed......."  
  
"Why?" Kenji asked innocently. "She shoulda been dressed already."  
  
"Eh, heh, heh.......I'm really tired anymore Kenji-chan," Misao sweatdropped.  
  
"Are you sick?" Kenji asked, grabbing onto Kaoru's kimono.  
  
"You could say that," Kaoru said, pulling Kenji away from the door. "See you in a little bit Misao-chan."  
  
"Uh......." Misao shut the shoji, throwing Jiya out first (well.......? *snort*), and pulled on her blue and white Oniwabanshuu uniform, tying the pink sash.  
  
"All right! Time to.......ughh....... I was going to say 'Carpé Diem', but I don't think so now.......more like.......kill the stomach-chewing demons......." she moaned, latching onto her stomach. Hopefully, she wouldn't throw up and make a spectacle of herself.......  
  
She blushed in embarrassment, just thinking about it.  
  
She rushed from the room and downstairs, glad she wasn't wearing a kimono....... ^^  
  
"Konnichi wa everyone!" she beamed.  
  
"Don't you mean, 'good afternoon' Misao-chan?" Kaoru smiled. "It's nearly 1:00pm already!"  
  
"Wha??! I missed giving Aoshi-sama his tea!" she cried, grabbing the tea tray.  
  
"Can I come with you Misao nee-chan?" Kenji asked cutely. "Pweeze?"  
  
"Uh, sure Kenji-chan!" Misao agreed quickly, rushing out the door. "Come on!"  
  
Kenji dashed after his 'sister' and ran at her heels. "Don't run so fast Misao nee-chan!" he panted. "Kenji-chan's not that fast yet!"  
  
Misao slowed down. "It's okay Kenji-chan," she apologized. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to leave you behind." They walked in silence for a little bit before she spoke again. " I don't know why I was rushing so much. I'm sure Aoshi-sama doesn't want his tea that badly."  
  
"Aoshi nii-chan?" Kenji asked, tugging on the bottom of her shorts.  
  
"Yup," Misao answered, wondering what Aoshi would say to Kenji calling him 'nii-chan'. It was so cute! "He's always mediating in the temple, and I bring him tea every day. Sometimes I don't think he wants me there....... I'm probably bothering him, but I don't care."  
  
"Ahh Aoshi nii-chan is tall!" Kenji jumped up and put his hand as high as he could. "He's taller than you even!"  
  
"Everyone's taller than me," Misao grumbled.  
  
"Not me!"  
  
"Of course not you!" Misao smiled. "You'll get taller than me eventually!"  
  
"Will you still be Misao nee-chan?" Kenji wondered aloud.  
  
"Of course. Oh, we're there!"  
  
"Can I carry something?" Kenji pleaded. "Pweeze?"  
  
"Sure Kenji-chan," Misao smiled, setting a cup in his hands. "Now you have to be very, very quiet, okay? Aoshi-sama's trying to meditate, and a temple is supposed to be quiet......."  
  
"K!" Kenji whispered, walking up the steps softly.  
  
"See?" Misao pointed into the room in front of her. "There's Aoshi- sama......."  
  
"Ohhh! He's thinkin'!" Kenji whispered loudly. "What's he thinkin' 'bout Misao nee-chan?"  
  
Misao's eyes clouded over. "The past," she answered softly.  
  
"Ah, daddy always says not to.......dwell on the past," Kenji said slowly, having trouble pronouncing 'dwell'.  
  
"Well, Aoshi-sama has to," Misao answered calmly. "Now come on......."  
  
Aoshi heard the Himura kid and Misao talking outside of the shoji. Kenji- chan was wise for his age.......  
  
He turned his head to the doorway to greet Misao and Kenji, deciding that, perhaps it would be best to greet them today.......he didn't want to scare Kenji did he? He was sure that if he didn't say something, Kenji would think he was mute.  
  
"Ohayou Misao, Kenji-chan," he greeted softly, turning his head back to the wall to stare at it blankly. He couldn't get the image of Misao holding Kenji's hand out of his mind.......  
  
Only, it wasn't Kenji's hand she was holding.......  
  
It was a little boy with black bangs and ocean-sprayed eyes.......  
  
He gulped unnoticeably and Kenji crawled up next to him, imitating what he was doing. The little boy sat cross-legged beside him and set his hands on his legs. "Hi Aoshi nii-chan," he whispered.  
  
Aoshi looked down at the little boy coldly, but the skin around his eyes softened slightly. "Hello," he answered quietly.  
  
"I'm sorry I was late Aoshi-sama......." Misao apologized, preparing his tea.  
  
"It's fine," he told her, though he was actually very glad she'd come. He had thought something was wrong.......  
  
"Misao nee-chan slept in real late Aoshi nii-chan!" Kenji exclaimed softly. "But she rushed right here when Jiya woked her up! He's loud......."  
  
Aoshi smirked inwardly at the statement. Yes, Okina was loud.  
  
".......And Misao nee-chan just covered her face up and insisted that it was too early to get up.......and then, when mommy said somethin' to her, she stood up all fast-like and tripped right on her face!" He giggled and slapped a hand over his mouth, immediately apologizing. "I'm sorry, Misao nee-chan said to be quiet......."  
  
Kenji looked as if he was about to cry, and Aoshi was at a loss as to what to do to make him stop.  
  
"It's okay Kenji-chan, just keep your volume down. Aoshi-sama's trying to mediate you know......."  
  
She handed Aoshi his tea and smiled brightly.  
  
Aoshi accepted it and nodded slightly, turning his attention back to Kenji- chan who was still imitating him. The kid was actually adorable, sitting there like that.  
  
When Aoshi's tea was nearly gone, Kenji stood up and looked inside the cup that Aoshi was still holding. "Ca' I have some?" Kenji whispered in Aoshi's ear.  
  
Aoshi didn't know if tea would be good for the kid, but hey....... he'd probably be as short as his father anyway, so who cared? He wordlessly handed his cup to Kenji, who sat stiffly, just like his nii-chan, and sipped at it.  
  
A wide grin covered his face after the first drop, and he downed the rest quickly.  
  
"Come on Kenji-chan," Misao said, gathering the things together. "It's time to go home....... Goodbye Aoshi-sama......." She stepped out of the door.  
  
"Just a sec' Misao nee-chan!" he said softly. "Aoshi nii-chan, you should talk more with Misao nee-chan, cause she's lonely!" he ordered cutely, pointing a finger at Aoshi's face.  
  
Aoshi raised an eyebrow.  
  
"Besides, mommy said that she was sick an' stuff. I think she's got a stomach flu', cause she's always holdin' her stomach an' stuff like that. My mommy would make her go to bed early so's she could sleep longer.......she's real tired too......." Kenji scowled fakely at Aoshi. "So you better be nice to her Aoshi nii-chan, or I'll sick my daddy on you!" he ran over to Aoshi and hugged his neck.  
  
"But you're nice an' stuff to me, so I think you're just embawwassed around Misao nee-chan....... Do you like her Aoshi nii-chan?"  
  
Aoshi didn't answer.  
  
"Mommy said that you and Misao nee-chan should get......." he scrunched his face up in thought. "Married!" he beamed. "Then you can have little kids for me to play with!"  
  
He kissed Aoshi on the cheek and dashed out the door. "Just remember Aoshi nii-chan, ya gotta be extra nice to sick people.......! Bye-bye!"  
  
~^*_~^*_~^*_+_*^~_*^~_*^~  
  
Misao was sick? Well, she had slept in.......hm.......  
  
Aoshi pondered on this for awhile. Kids don't lie.......they just repeat what they hear and see.......  
  
Was Misao really lonely? He felt.......bad at that thought. How could she feel lonely when she had all her friends at the Aoiya?  
  
Granted, he didn't say much, but.......  
  
He decided to go home early that day.  
  
~^*_~^*_~^*_+_*^~_*^~_*^~  
  
(About 6:30pm)  
  
"Wow!" Kaoru commented. "Kenji sure is hyper today!"  
  
"Aoshi nii-chan gave me some of his tea!" Kenji chirped, running around his mother and Misao in circles. "It was goooddd!" he squealed.  
  
"Oh dear, when's it going to wear off?" Kaoru asked.  
  
"I don't know why he's so hyper!" Misao protested. "Aoshi-sama's never.......hyper....... Well.......never mind. Forget I said that....... it's been a good five or six hours since he's had it......."  
  
Kaoru grinned. "Have you snagged him yet?"  
  
"No......." Misao blushed. "Of course not."  
  
"Oh, he's getting old. You'd better hurry, or he won't have any spunk left for......."  
  
"Kaoru!" Misao protested, covering her ears. "I don't want to hear this from you too! Jiya's bad enough!"  
  
Kaoru laughed. "Just saying......." she shrugged.  
  
"Ugh.......well, I've got to go," Misao muttered, dashing off.  
  
"The demons?!" Kaoru asked loudly.  
  
"Yep!" Misao answered, dashing away as fast as her tired legs would carry her.  
  
Kenji followed his 'sister' worriedly, even when his mother called for him to come back.  
  
Misao felt bile rise in her throat about the same time as her legs gave way on the forest floor. It was a good thing she was in the forest and not in the Aoiya.......  
  
Kenji ran up behind her and patted her back. "Are you okay Misao nee- chan?" he asked, his eyes wide in fear.  
  
"Yeah, I'm.......blaghh......" She didn't get to finish her sentence. ^^;;  
  
Kenji jumped when his sister got sick all over the forest floor. He pulled her braid back and tucked her longer bangs behind her ears.  
  
"You're sick Misao nee-chan," he whispered, patting her back softly. "Mommy! Aoshi nii-chan!" he shouted as loudly as he could. "Mommyyyy!"  
  
After Misao stopped heaving up.......everything, she stumbled a few steps to the base of a tree and collapsed into a sitting position beside it.  
  
"Are you alright now Misao nee-chan?" Kenji asked worriedly.  
  
"Fine Kenji-chan," she panted, rubbing her stomach stiffly. "But I'm a bit tired......."  
  
Kenji climbed up to her and patted her head. "Okay Misao nee-chan, I'll come and get mommy an' Aoshi nii-chan to bring you home......."  
  
But Misao was already asleep, slumped on her side.  
  
Kenji ran off in the direction he'd come from, yelling for his mother and Aoshi. He finally found his mother talking with Aoshi and Omasu. "Mommy!" he cried, tears falling from his eyes. "It's Misao nee-chan!" he wailed. "She's real sick mommy!"  
  
Aoshi's eyes widened while Kaoru tried to calm her son down. "What is it Kenji-chan?" she asked. "What's the matter with Misao-chan?"  
  
"She threw up everywhere!" he sniffled. "And then she just went to sleep......." He wiped at his eyes. "I promised her I'd bring you and Aoshi nii-chan to help her get home......."  
  
"Show us where she's at dear," Kaoru prodded, leaving a confused Omasu behind. Aoshi walked stiffly behind them.  
  
Kenji pointed Misao out a few minuets later, and Aoshi's shoulders stiffened.  
  
She was curled up under a tree in a little ball, her skin nearly translucent.  
  
"I dunno if I can pick her up Kenji-chan," Kaoru said unsurely. "Momma's new baby takes up a lot of weight......."  
  
"Okay mommy!" Kenji said. "Aoshi nii-chan's strong enough! He's very, very strong!" He ran over to Aoshi and tugged on his yukata. "Come on Aoshi nii- chan!" he insisted. "You hafta carry Misao nee-chan home so's she can rest up!"  
  
Aoshi shook his head and went over to pick Misao up. Kenji cheered, and Kaoru just smirked.  
  
Aoshi really wanted to wipe the smirk off her face, but decided that.......it probably wasn't smart to do that to the Battousai's wife.  
  
Aoshi marveled at Misao's size. She was actually very tiny. He never thought that she was so small. Sure, she looked small, but she weighed nearly nothing. He wondered if she even ate anything.......  
  
When they got back, Okina was looking on worriedly and Omasu was wringing her hands. Kaoru was still smirking.......  
  
And so was the Battousai.......  
  
What was so funny?!  
  
Obviously, he'd missed it.  
  
Then again, he missed a lot of things.......  
  
He climbed the stairs and tucked her into her bed snugly, brushing back her bangs before climbing to his feet. "Oyasumi nasái , Misao," he told her softly, softly shutting her shoji behind him.  
  
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Oohhh......^_^ I just love Kenji! Thanx for the suggestions everyone! ^___^ Woohoo! ^,^  
  
I hope you enjoyed this chapter, the next one will be out probably next week some time. ^^;;  
  
Uh.......comments? Suggestions? Tips? Criticism? Uh.......favorite lines?  
  
~~Okashira Misao 


	3. Sunday, sorry for making okina so evil!

XD Kenji-chan's just so cute! *cough* Okay, I'm done. Yeah.......I'm trying to decide whether or not to make it more humor or what. ^^ Oh yeah.......^^ I know shoji's probably don't have locks, but pretend they do for this stories sake, ok?  
  
But I'll try to keep a little romance in it, because we can't live without romance. Right?  
  
Oh yes. Some girls do vomit while on the big 'IT'. ^^;; I don't, but some do. Besides, think of it this way. Misao's 4'9'' and look at her waist! She's TINY! She seriously can't weigh more than 80 lbs. Personally, if the girl got pregnant, she'd be lucky to live!  
  
A note to Kawaii-chan! You can use them, sure! I don't mind. Since I used your things and all. ^^;; XD, sorry for not ok'ing it sooner! =P  
  
~^*_~^*_~^*_+_*^~_*^~_*^~  
  
Disclaimer: No, but I own the STOMACH-CHEWING DEMONS! Okay, maybe not! *runs from mad women* I disown them! I disown them! Alright, I own the IDEA of the stomach-chewing demons. ^^;;  
  
Now it's Sunday!  
  
~^*_~^*_~^*_+_*^~_*^~_*^~  
  
Misao woke up the next morning to see the sun rising outside of her window, and to feel a funny taste in her mouth.  
  
What a nice way to start off your Sunday. With vomit-breath. You should try it sometime. XD  
  
Not only did her mouth taste.......strange, it was dry as well. But she was too tired to think about it. So she pulled her blanket over her head to block out that evil sunlight, and turned on her side away from the light, towards the door.  
  
Meanwhile, someone stood silhouetted in the doorway. His dark, shadowed eyes questioning, and a small smile playing on his features.  
  
It really was too bad that Misao fell asleep before she saw him. It would have saved her a lot of embarrassment.  
  
He crooked a hand as soon as his victim fell asleep. Four well-trained ninja's descended into the silent room. The man put a finger on his chin, stroking downward, until he felt the soft velvet of the pink bow on the end of his beard.  
  
Okina the super-ninja! Regular Okina's job was to hook Misao and Aoshi up, OR to embarrass Misao in front of Aoshi. But SUPER Okina's job was to embarrass them both at the same time!  
  
The other ninja's did as was previously planned, moving this and that around, and putting things here and there.  
  
And then they crept over to Misao.......  
  
Ya gotta love the chloroform.  
  
The two male ninja's left and Super-Okina followed, leaving Misao-chan with the two females. They would do their part of the gig.......er plan while they completed the other part. This would be good.  
  
He smirked and tugged on his beard, heading to an innocent man's room. This particular man's tea had been drugged that night at dinner....... Not like the poor guy even knew it though. He was now fast asleep.......  
  
But just in case, they had their chloroform.......  
  
~^*_~^*_~^*_+_*^~_*^~_*^~  
  
"Man!" Shiro coughed. "Who woulda thought he'd be so heavy!"  
  
"Shhh!" Okina hissed. "What if he wakes up?"  
  
"He won't wake up," Kuro smirked. "I put so much crap in his drink he'll stay out for a month."  
  
Shiro and Okina stared at him.  
  
"Well, maybe not THAT much stuff, but a lot of stuff all right......."  
  
"Whatever," Okina wheezed. "Dude! How much does he weigh?!"  
  
"Seventy-two kilograms," Kuro informed them.  
  
"How'd you know?" Shiro wondered aloud.  
  
"He's got a book sitting around where he keeps track of everything. Even his own weight. Isn't that freaky?"  
  
"Yeah, uhhnnn!" Okina heaved and pulled desperately. "I can't pick him up!"  
  
"On the count of three. One.......two.......three.......HEAVEEE!"  
  
"Uhhhh!"  
  
"Got him!" Okina grinned, puffing out his chest.  
  
"Don't shift your weight!" Kuro gasped, almost dropping the sleeping Aoshi.  
  
"For real dude, we don't want to die yet."  
  
"Okay, now we just have to get him there. Hey, do you have the rope?"  
  
"No, I'm pretty sure Omasu does."  
  
"Kaoru's still asleep, right?"  
  
"Yeah. What about Kenshin?"  
  
"I dunno."  
  
"Whaddaya mean, you don't know!"  
  
"I don't know."  
  
"Ugh!" Okina slapped a hand over his face. "Whatever the heck. Let's just get this done!"  
  
"Hey, heyyyy!" Kuro whispered. But it was too late.  
  
*thud*  
  
"Ow......." Okina rubbed his head.  
  
"Okay," Shiro snickered. "This time let's get Aoshi-san out the door instead of banging him against the wall......."  
  
"Hey, my head smacked the wall too!" Okina whined quietly.  
  
*chirp, chirp*  
  
But, of course, the others ignored him.  
  
~^*_~^*_~^*_+_*^~_*^~_*^~  
  
"What do you think you're doing?"  
  
Omasu and Okon jumped, thinking, at first that the voice belonged to Aoshi himself. He probably would disprove of their 'plan' but it couldn't be Aoshi, since he was supposed to be drugged unconscious.  
  
They turned to see Kenshin standing in the doorway holding a sleepy Kenji.  
  
"Whatcha doin' to Misao nee-chan?" the child asked curiously. "She don' like nothin' 'cept her shorts." He yawned into his dad's shoulder and spoke again. "What's she wearin' anyway?"  
  
"Something she shouldn't be," Kenshin answered.  
  
"It's just a harmless trick on them," Okon protested, snickering behind her hand.  
  
"Harmless?" Kenji echoed.  
  
"Yeah, harmless," Omasu answered.  
  
Kenshin was nearly bowled over by the other members of the Oniwabanshuu carrying an unconscious Aoshi.  
  
"What are you doing?" Kenshin questioned, sounding slightly annoyed and angry.  
  
"Nothing.......wrong......." Okina wheezed. "I swear it."  
  
"You do know that you have to tread carefully," Kenshin informed them, eyes narrowing. "If you do anything to scare Aoshi, he will never forgive himself and retreat further into his shell......."  
  
"Yeah!" Kenji scolded. "Aoshi nii-chan's supposed to be bein' nice to Misao nee-chan! Cause she's sick an' all."  
  
"Don't worry Kenji-chan, we're not going to do anything.......bad!"  
  
~^*_~^*_~^*_+_*^~_*^~_*^~  
  
Misao's eyes fluttered, but didn't open just yet. She was too tired to care about moving or anything. But a stretch might be good. She pulled her arms over her head and.......  
  
Wait a minute! Her arms wouldn't budge. Maybe she was sitting on them.......  
  
Her eyes snapped open as she struggled to free her arms from where they were trapped.  
  
But they wouldn't budge.  
  
Her wrists started to ache, so she stopped, and instead, looked down. Her eyes widened in disbelief, and her mouth gaped.  
  
What in HELL was she wearing!?  
  
It was some kind of flimsy yukata or something. And it was cold!  
  
Well, her front side was cold anyway, but her back was toasty warm. And she didn't even know why.  
  
All she knew was that something warm was pressed up against her back. It kind of felt like a living, breathing wall.  
  
LIVING, BREATHING?!  
  
She tried to pull her hands out from behind her to see WHO was tied to her, but all she saw was a long yukata sleeve, and part of a hand. A hand that was pale, and had long fingers.......and calluses from carrying a sword.......  
  
Aoshi-sama?  
  
She dropped her bound hands instantly.  
  
Oh dear God.......what was going on?  
  
Just then, it hit her.  
  
One of Jiya's old tricks.  
  
~^*_~^*_~^*_+_*^~_*^~_*^~  
  
Aoshi jolted awake when he felt something move against his back. He knew WHAT was behind him within seconds, and he knew WHO as well.  
  
Some of Okina's tricks were funny. Like the one where he and Omasu stole all of her clothes and threw them into the wash so she didn't have anything to wear. She had to parade around all day in a kimono borrowed from Omasu.  
  
That was funny. He'd actually enjoyed seeing Misao in something different, but he liked her in her Oniwabanshuu uniform better. Not because of it's length, but because it showed her character. Kimono's weren't her, he knew that.  
  
This wasn't funny.  
  
He could tell that Misao was wearing something that she normally wouldn't wear. How could he tell, you ask?  
  
One of his yukata's sleeves had slipped off, and he could feel her clothes against part of his shoulders.  
  
Not that it was a bad thing, of course.  
  
The bad thing was that Misao was crying.  
  
He knew Misao well, and she rarely cried, if at all.  
  
When she was three, she'd nearly broken her arm, but she hadn't shed a tear.  
  
She must really be hurting.......  
  
And whose fault was it this time? His? Okina's? (he hoped it was Okina.......XD)  
  
Maybe she was upset because she couldn't move, or because she was attached to him like a leech. Maybe both?  
  
But he was smart. He'd get them apart, if that's what she wanted. He was pretty sure that was what she wanted, anyway.......  
  
Okina had gone a little overboard this time.  
  
Last time he'd only made the both of them wake up in the same bed.  
  
=P  
  
He twisted his wrist around as far as it would go and enveloped Misao's small hand in his, squeezing gently as if to say, I'll take care of it.  
  
~^*_~^*_~^*_+_*^~_*^~_*^~  
  
"What's going on?" Kaoru asked loudly, carrying Kenji. Kenshin walked behind her slightly.  
  
"Jiya and them said that they were playin' a trick on Misao nee-chan and Aoshi nii-chan!" Kenji squealed.  
  
Kaoru's eyes narrowed. "Kenji, go play with Aunt Omasu, alright?"  
  
"Yes momma!" Kenji scampered off quickly.  
  
"Excuse me?!" Kaoru screeched when her son was out of sight. One of her hands was laying on her protruding stomach, and the other was clenched in anger. "What exactly did you do?!"  
  
"Well......." Jiya cackled, cowering slightly. "We just tied them together......."  
  
"Oh dear GOD! Do you not realize something?!" Kaoru yelled.  
  
"What's that?" Okina and Okon squeaked.  
  
"TOM!" Kaoru screeched loudly.  
  
Okon nodded knowingly. "Oh........" she whispered. "Oops......."  
  
Kaoru pushed a confused Okina down the hall and attempted to open Misao's door. It wouldn't budge.  
  
"Kaoru?" Misao asked from inside. Her voice was tiny, almost hopeful.  
  
"Yes Misao, don't worry, I'll get you out." '.......somehow.......'  
  
"Thank you," she sniffled.  
  
"Where's the key?" Kaoru asked Okon.  
  
"Uh......."  
  
"Do you want me to break the door down?" Kaoru asked.  
  
"No," Okon whispered. "We threw it in the lake."  
  
"Whhaaaat?!" Kaoru yelled. In a harsh whisper, she continued. "She's on it! If she's anything like me, she'll be all over Aoshi!"  
  
Okina's head poked around the corner as he stared at Kaoru.  
  
"Either we'll fish out a blood-red (no pun intended) Aoshi, or a vomit- covered Aoshi. There might even be a deaf Aoshi when the cramps start up!" She shook her head. "I know for a fact she's heavy, especially the amount of times she ran to the bathroom yesterday! This will be a serious wound to her self-esteem. She'll probably never want to talk with any of you again. And Aoshi.......she'll be so embarrassed."  
  
Okon hung her head.  
  
Okina was still thinking on Kaoru's first sentence. About how she was on 'it'.  
  
His tongue lolled out of his mouth.  
  
Kenshin kicked the old man's shin.  
  
Nobody looked at HIS wife that way!  
  
~^*_~^*_~^*_+_*^~_*^~_*^~  
  
END OF THIS CHAPTER! WooT!  
  
Okay, yes, I know this was a little OOCish of Okina. The old guy probably wouldn't do this to poor Misao, but think about it this way. On any other time of the month, it probably would have been funny. Just remember that, okay?  
  
TOM = Time Of the Month ....... This was from Zoutou's Inuyasha fanfic "TOM" Go read it! It's great! Oh yeah! And YYH fans, she's also written one about YUKINA'S 'TOM'! ^_^ It's called "Her Other Half" XD, it's funny!  
  
Uh.......this fic will be longer than I anticipated, cause this chapter's a two-part chapter! (though I bet everyone but me likes that). XD  
  
~~Okashira Misao  
  
PS. If you leave a review, I'll take the Ovaltine commercial off TV! XD, j/k, I'll give you a cookie! Any kind! *points* Look at all the cookies I made! =P 


	4. Chapter 4 WOOOOOOOOOOTTTTT

OMG is it true? Am I really, truly updating this story? NO. I'm not. I'm just writing fifty billion pages of junk for you to read. =P WooT!  
  
Dedicated to: My little sister!!! I guess you could say she's a woman as of this morning ^_^. And to Verito-chan!! You asked me to update, but you didn't say what! =^.^= Meow! Lol. Oh, and credit goes to you for the chibi inner self stuff. I borrowed a little of it. Is that okay?? If it's not, let me know. =P I don't want to rip you off your wonderful idea! But your writing story is still the best ever! ^___^  
  
~^*_~^*_~^*_+_*^~_*^~_*^~  
  
Disclaimer: Why would anyone WANT to own those evil demons? I wouldn't want to own Okina either. *points at Okina* I don't own him! Nope! Or those cramps! ^-^x  
  
Now it's Saturday late morning/early afternoon. =)  
  
~^*_~^*_~^*_+_*^~_*^~_*^~  
  
Yahiko poked his head around a doorway. Looking both ways, his eyes narrowed slightly. Nobody in sight.......Good....... he crept into the room down the hall, slamming the shoji behind him.  
  
Aoshi Shinomori's bedroom. He started to chuckle to himself, but then stopped. He didn't want icicle man catching him in his room. Who knew what evil silent icy punishment he might receive?  
  
He tip-toed over to where a book lay open on a large desk. He smirked evilly and opened the book to the first page.  
  
Entry 1- I'm leaving the Aoiya tonight.  
  
Entry 2- I'm back.......  
  
Entry 3- Sorry it took so long to come back. My friends died.  
  
Entry 4- I'm bored.......  
  
Entry 5- I think I'll.......  
  
Entry 6- I don't know  
  
Entry 7- I keep thinking I have to tuck Misao in for bed  
  
Entry 8- I almost did that the other day  
  
Entry 9- oops  
  
Entry 10- I think.......  
  
Entry 11- I think.......  
  
Entry 12-.......  
  
Entry 13- maybe.......  
  
Yahiko rolled his eyes and flipped through the pages.  
  
Entry 2364- I'll go on a diet today  
  
Entry 2365- I failed my diet  
  
Entry 2366- I can't live without.......  
  
Entry 2367- Without.......  
  
Yahiko glanced down the page and the next, and the next, and the next....... they all said "Without......." He skipped a few hundred pages and finally found out what Aoshi wanted to say.  
  
Entry 2456- Without.......Misao.......  
  
Entry 2457- No I'm not a cannibal  
  
Entry 2458- Stoopid the teacup died.......*sigh*  
  
Entry 2459- Omasu stepped on the Hannya cup.......  
  
Entry 2460- I buried all of my dead friends [Hannya, Beshimi, Hyottoko, Shikijou, and Stoopid.......] in the backyard.  
  
Yahiko choked. He remembered those stupid teacup friends of Aoshi's. That was just.......not right. Creepy, to say the least.  
  
He flipped to the last entry and read.  
  
Entry 3345- I wonder what would happen.......if I didn't say anything for a week?  
  
Yahiko snorted loudly. Nothing would HAPPEN. Icicle probably hadn't said a word in months anyway. It's not like anyone would actually miss anything. He shut the book and crept down the stairs, to the kitchen.  
  
There, on a shelf, were teacups. Each of the seven teacups had paper taped onto them. The labels read.......  
  
Harry, Einsteinium, Barry, Dense-O, Happy, Hopeful, and Ugly.  
  
....... Yahiko left. He did NOT want to know what other strange and unusual habits icicle had. Naming teacups.......hmph!  
  
~^*_~^*_~^*_+_*^~_*^~_*^~  
  
Misao felt all kinds of emotions at once. Of course, she had a right to be angry, annoyed, frightened, embarrassed, and afraid. She wasn't afraid of Aoshi, but rather, being stuck to him like glue. Any other time of her life, she'd be thrilled. But today.  
  
Grrrrrrrrrrr.  
  
Those stupid fools! Misao fumed inwardly and twisted her hands around, trying to get them unknotted. Unfortunately for her, every time she moved her hands, she touched Aoshi's. She cringed inwardly and stopped fidgeting.  
  
'Come on Kaoru!' she pleaded silently. If Kaoru could get that door open, then Misao had a better chance of being home-free.  
  
"Whaaaaaaaaaaaattttt?!"  
  
Misao hung her head. The yell from Kaoru pretty much told her of her fate. They'd probably dropped the key to her room into the outhouse or something.  
  
'Life sucks,' Misao thought to herself. 'It just plain sucks. First, I'll get cramps and feel absolutely miserable, and then I'll bleed a puddle on the floor and Aoshi's butt will end up all red.  
  
Her face flushed crimson at the thought. Aoshi would hate her and probably never talk to her ever again.and he hardly talked to her the way it was! She slumped against Aoshi's back and sniffed, her eyes starting to tear up.  
  
She didn't want Aoshi to hate her.  
  
~^*_~^*_~^*_+_*^~_*^~_*^~  
  
-An Hour Later-  
  
"Are you sure you threw the key in here?" Kaoru asked doubtfully, wishing they had just tossed the little metal thing in a meadow or something. She glanced down at the churning river water.  
  
"Yeah, we're sure..." Omasu answered regretfully, already feeling awful for what she'd done.  
  
"Momma, Aunt Omasu, whatcha lookin' for?" Kenji asked, eyes wide. Her peered up at his mother's face from in front of her, barely able to see over her protruding stomach. He put his hands overtop his eyes to shade them from the bright sun, and looked out at the frothy water. "I dun' see nothin'."  
  
"We're looking for a key, Kenji-chan," Omasu said, kneeling down next to the little boy. "Do you know what a key looks like?"  
  
Kenji's eyes got big. "A key?" he asked in a small voice. "It's uhhmmm. about this big, ne Auntie Omasu?" he asked, stretching his arms out as far as they could go.  
  
"No Kenji-chan," Omasu chuckled, putting her thumb and forefingers apart a few inches. "It's about this big."  
  
"Oh..." Kenji looked down. "Then nope I dunno what a key is."  
  
"Oh it's silver and really shiny," Kaoru told him. It's somewhere out there in that water."  
  
"Ohhh! Kenji-chan will help momma and auntie Omasu to find the shiny key!" he proclaimed, pushing a thumb into his chest. He scurried to the bank on his hands and knees and looked at the water intently. Suddenly, his hands flashed into the water, as he yelled "Ah found it!! I found a shiny silver!"  
  
Kaoru whirled around to look at the 'shiny silver' that Kenji had caught. A sparkly fish shimmered in the sunlight. She laughed and watched Kenji chase the flopping fish around.  
  
"Come back here you silver key thing!" he shouted, pouncing on it.  
  
"Oh Kenji-chan! That's not a key, but you just caught yourself some lunch!" Omasu smiled, taking the now-still fish from Kenji.  
  
"Oh..." his face fell. "No key?"  
  
Kaoru smiled at her son. "No, no key. But if you catch some more of those, it would make momma really proud!"  
  
Kenji beamed at his mother. "Really?" he asked. "Then Kenji-chan will catch more uhmmm."  
  
"Fish," Omasu filled in.  
  
"Yeah fishies. I'll catch more fishies!" He ran to the water and stared long and hard, waiting for a flash of silver.  
  
~^*_~^*_~^*_+_*^~_*^~_*^~  
  
"Oro??" Kenshin said, tripping on a stray toy in the middle of the hallway. He slid and fell flat on his face outside of Misao's shoji. He heard some shuffling coming from inside, and couldn't help but oro in confusion.  
  
The Battousai grinned and did a jig in Kenshin's mind. He 'woot'ed' and blew on a party horn. As long as Kenshin was oro'ing, it was time for the Battousai to party. He waggled his eyebrows and plastered his face to the paper door.  
  
"Sup Kenshin?" Yahiko asked, nearly tripping over the former battousai's feet. Kenshin looked back at Yahiko with narrowed eyes and waggled his eyebrows, plastering the side of his head to the shoji once again.  
  
"Oh. Misao and Aoshi are getting it on?" he asked loudly. "That's sorta nasty Kenshin. Why'd ya wanna listen to some people moaning?" he scuffed his feet against the floor.  
  
"What?!" Okina yelled, rounding the corner. "My Misao-chan and Aoshi are.are." he broke down in tears. "I wanted this moment recorded forever in Okina's Hall Of Fame!"  
  
"Oro?!" Kenshin asked, dazed. He stood up quickly and dusted his rurouni self off. Battousai went to pout in a corner of his mind, the party horn lying in broken sympathy beside him.  
  
Yahiko darted away. "And I thought the ice cube was strange!" he shouted. "I'm sooo outta here!!"  
  
"Wait a minute...." Okina said, ceasing to whine. "If they're having a good time, why's she crying??" he pouted, and stalked off, leaving an oro'ing Kenshin.  
  
The Battousai did another dance in Kenshin's mind. Picking up the party horn, he blew on it, but instead of sound coming out, the horn exploded, sending mental Battousai into oblivion.  
  
Kenshin oro'ed again.  
  
~^*_~^*_~^*_+_*^~_*^~_*^~  
  
Misao sniffed again, thinking of how embarrassing the rest of her life would be. She already had it all plotted out. First, she'd get cramps, then bleed all over Aoshi, then her Aoshi-sama would hate her, then he wouldn't talk to her again, then she'd feel bad and be embarrassed, and then she would leave the Aoiya and never come back.  
  
Her inner chibi self cried buckets.  
  
Misao shook her head. 'Oh come on, Aoshi wouldn't hate you..." She told herself. 'that's right! He'd despise you!' Misao glared at herself. The stupid yukata she was wearing...  
  
Aoshi's back just haaddddd to be really warm too, didn't it?  
  
Grrrrrrrrrrr........  
  
Misao sighed again and waited for her inevitable doom.  
  
~^*_~^*_~^*_+_*^~_*^~_*^~  
  
Aoshi sighed and looked down at the floor, tracing the pattern with his eyes. Wait a minute- there wasn't a pattern.  
  
So Aoshi sighed and looked down at the floor, tracing the invisible pattern he made up in his head, with his eyes.  
  
He sighed and tried to turn his neck around to look at Misao, but it was rather difficult. Actually, it was impossible. He didn't like her to be where he couldn't see her.  
  
Inner chibi Aoshi started to bawl. It wasn't fair! He couldn't even look at Misao! Nooooooooooooooooo! It sooo wasn't fair!  
  
Misao sniffed and Aoshi cringed. It was worse that she was crying and he couldn't do anything about it.  
  
Chibi Aoshi covered his ears to block out the sound. Then his little chibi eyes got wide and Aoshi tried to poke the image of a chibi Aoshi hugging a chibi crying Misao. Aoshi mentally prodded at the image with a stick, trying to push it out of his mind.  
  
Grrrrrrrrrrr.......  
  
Stupid image........  
  
It wouldn't go away! It was driving him insane.  
  
He hated it when that happened.  
  
Then chibi Misao disappeared from the mental image.  
  
Misao sniffed from behind him again, and he could practically picture the small ninja crying and being sad.  
  
Chibi Aoshi crumbled into little pieces of dust and blew away on the imaginary wind in his mind.  
  
Aoshi sighed and gave Misao's hand a squeeze.  
  
~^*_~^*_~^*_+_*^~_*^~_*^~  
  
^_____________^ YAH! I'm DONE! YAH! YAH! YAH! YAH! Oh let me know what you guys think!! I'm sooooooooooooooooooo sorry it took this long to update! So so so so veryyyy sorry! But all my fics are sorta on hiatus except In Your Eyes, and I'm having SOOOOOOOOOO much trouble updating that one! ;_; If you guys would help on that one I would be soooooooo appreciative! I can't seem to get the fic out of my mind I feel so bad for not updating it.......but I'm sorta idea-less. T_T;;  
  
Now go read "Getting on With Your Life" by Verito-chan! GO READ IT NOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!! Lol! It's such an awesome fic!  
  
-Pawprints and the like-  
  
~Kitten Kisses 


	5. Raggin' It

A short girl steps onto the invisible stage in your minds. Black and white striped zebra ears poke out from a mound of soft, long dark hair. Her wide green eyes blink cautiously as she steps toward the microphone sitting center stage. As she moves, the short jean jumper she's wearing swishes lightly against her thighs. Grabbing the microphone sitting on its stand, she puts it close to her face, and screams…

"I AM SO SORRY FOR NOT UPDATING THIS IN FOREVER!"

Dedicated to: Krista/Sword-girl. Thanks for asking me to update, hehe it means a lot. :)

Currently laughing at :: Jarred. Mwahahaha… it's too bad that nobody would link you to this fic, ne?

smiles innocently Now that I'm updating this…well, once anyway, I hope that I'm not completely hated forever. ;; BTW, Kanryuu reminds me of Batman…I don't know why, it's rather creepy…oo

-Chapter 5- Raggin' it.

**Sunday, mid-day**. :) (the last chapter should be SUNDAY morning too. :) )

Kenji looked proudly at his pile of shiny silvers. His eyes shone as he turned to his mother. "Momma lookie! I got lots of shiny fishies!"

"Aw, Kenji-chan, that's wonderful!" Kaoru cooed, wrapping her arms around her son to give him a hug. "Why don't you take those to you daddy so he can start dinner, hm sweetheart?"

"Yah! Will daddy be happy if I bring him the shiny silvers?" he asked hopefully.

"Of course he will," Kaoru smiled, patting the little red-head's head.

"Your daddy's always proud of you Kenji-chan," Omasu said, eyes looking to the water.

"Okay!" he exclaimed, grabbing up the shiny silvers all at once. The slick scaled marine animals slid from his grasp and fell to the ground with a light squishing sound. "Eww…" he pouted, grabbing at one of the fish. As he reached for it, one of the ones he held in his arms fell loose, also falling to the ground. Now annoyed, the little boy glared at the fish and reached for the second one, his fist squeezing as hard as he could to prevent the fish from escaping. With a slight "squish", the fish flew from his grasp and splatted straight onto someone's face.

Yahiko peeled a wet, slimy, _thing…_ off of his face.  Scales stuck to his skin nicely, giving his whole face a beautiful sheen. Picking up the "thing" between his thumb and index finger, he studied it. Through the scales covering part of his eyes, he determined that the "thing" was indeed a fish.

He had the horrible urge to throw it as hard as he could at the nearest pointy object, but refrained from doing so, by sheer willpower. Or, perhaps it was laziness, or a lack of a sharp pointy object in the near vicinity.

Either way, he was now looking rather…like a fish. 'At least I don't have wide buggy like eyes,' he thought to himself, glaring through scaly eyes at the rather deformed looking fish. Or, maybe the fish wasn't deformed. Maybe it was just him.

Kaoru finally took notice of his presence. "Good afternoon…uhmmmm….Yahiko!" she called happily. "Have you seen a key lying around anywhere?"

Yahiko, being in a rather sour mood now… after finding out Aoshi was even more strange than he first thought, and that Kenshin really was a pervert… he was feeling rather sarcastic…

"Yeah I did…" he said in a very sarcastic tone. "But tragically, Kenshin swallowed it, and is now pregnant with twins."

"Huh?" Omasu said, thoroughly confused. Having only heard the last half, she let her imagination run wild. What could Kenshin have swallowed that would have made him pregnant…? With twins no less!

Kenji looked around and gathered up the remaining fish quickly. Holding them in the folds of his clothing, he snuck away as fast as he could.

Kaoru finally was able to speak. "You look like a fish," she said, looking seriously at Yahiko. "You know, it's rather hard to take someone seriously when they have shiny silver scales all over them…"

Yahiko glared at her and muttered "Busu" under his breath before stalking away, the fish still in his grasp.

Misao sighed and twitched involuntarily. Needless to say, she rather hated being in this predicament, though, she had to admit that it might have been fun…other any other set of circumstances.  Which her mind was already…thinking about.

Lots of different scenarios played through her mind like a first person movie. Hmmm…there is a good one…AH! Bad one! Bad one! Oh…there is a **great** one! Well that one was sort of…uhm……..personal….

Blushing, she forced herself away from those kind of…hentai thoughts. She just wasn't that kind of girl! …Was she?

Of course she wasn't! Berating herself for…. Thinking bad thoughts, and then thinking she was a pervert… she sighed aloud. She sniffed loudly… Now that she was out of dreamland, she had to return to the real world…where there was a …._slight_ danger of her bleeding all over the love of her life.

Well…a little more than a slight chance, really… More like a really really large chance… Oh well! Time to think…Happy thoughts!

Little chibi Aoshi's danced in her mind as she tried not to think about what would happen within the next couple of hours. She knew her…ripped up sheets wouldn't last forever… They didn't have nice leak protection, or wings… too bad really. Though she had to wonder why sheets would have wings… what would they use them for? To fly? The mental image of a flying piece of cloth made her snicker. The next image that floated into her mind was one of the flying piece of cloth…with Aoshi riding it like an Arabian knight or something.

That was just…wrong.

But funny, when she looked at it from a weirdo's point of view. Not that she thought herself to be a weirdo…but sometimes you just have to think thoughts like that to stay alive…or, in her case, you have to think thoughts like that to keep from shriveling up and dying. Though, she had to admit that if she did shrivel up, at least she wouldn't be tied to Aoshi-sama anymore.

Aoshi's eyes widened as he heard a snicker escape from Misao. She was probably plotting something really devious for her next prank on him. Maybe a bucket of water over a door…or a trap door in his bedroom.

Hmmm…

His eyes shifted around nervously. At least she wasn't crying…anyway.

That was good, wasn't it?

He certainly hoped so.

Then again…

Another giggle flew from her mouth as she imagined Aoshi-sama fighting against an enemy clan of ninja's…while riding on the winged piece of cloth… Which was disturbing when she thought deeply about it, since that was exactly what she was bleeding all over… Well, without the wings…

Suddenly, she felt a twinge in her stomach… 'Not again…' she thought to herself broodingly. She had _known_ that this was going to happen, and yet, she wasn't thinking ahead.

Her mental image of the flying piece of cloth shattered and was swept up by an imaginary broom before being deposited in a trash bin. How was she supposed to think when her stomach felt like it was being eaten from the inside out!

'Think happy thoughts, happy thoughts, happy thoughts…'  She cringed as pain surged through her middle. "Ughhh…" she moaned, wishing she could hold onto her stomach… But no, she couldn't. Because her arms were tied behind her back!

Fuming mentally, while trying to block out the pain with happy pictures, she frowned.

"Misao?"

Aoshi's voice came from nowhere. Her face flushing crimson, she ducked her head. Oops… He must have heard her… Well it did hurt for goodness' sake! But she couldn't say _that…_ How…embarrassing! Then he would know ahead of time that she was going to bleed a puddle all over his rear end…

But wouldn't it be fair to warn him in advance?

Chibi Misao danced through her mind, throwing confetti all over chibi Aoshi. Chibi Aoshi sighed. The confetti exploded all over him, sending little bits of red liquid flying through her mind. Chibi Aoshi's eyes widened as red splashed all over him, turning him a nice shade of red.

AHHHHHHHH!!

Misao decided that from now on, she would refrain from strange mental thoughts.

"Misao…?" Aoshi asked again, his voice deeper.

Misao shuddered. "Uhmmmmm… what Aoshi-sama?" she asked softly, trying not to make it too obvious that there was something wrong.

"Are you…well?"

'NO! I'm not well!' she shouted inwardly. 'Get ready for the surprise of your life Aoshi! I'm raggin' it and it's going to end up all over your butt! How do ya like that one? HUH? HUH?!'

But instead, she just uttered "Uhmmm…yeah, I'm uhh…fine…"

'I'm just going to bleed a nice, splashy puddle all over your hind end…'

Kenshin 'oro'd' again as he stumbled over random objects in the hall on his way to the kitchen. Mental Battousai re-appeared, have re-assembled himself slowly. It took quite a bit of oro'ing from the favorite rurouni before he had the time to put himself back together. Glaring at himself, mental Battousai moved his eye off of his leg, and back where it belonged… next to his other eye- which was on his foot.

Wait a minute…that didn't seem right…

Re-arranging himself again, Mental Battousai pulled out a brand new party horn and blew it loudly. WOO HOO! Now he was back, and it was time to put some 'nice' thoughts into the rurouni's head.

Cackling, mental Battousai vanished as little Kenji appeared. It was best not to scare…children away. Meh…

"Daddy daddy!! Lookie! I caught some shiny silvers for dinner! Momma said to give them to you to cook!" Kenji looked so proud of himself, that Kenshin wanted to melt right there where he stood.

"That's nice of you, Kenji-chan…" Kenshin said softly.

"Do you like 'em daddy, do you?" he asked eagerly, shiny eyes and all.

The mental rurouni appeared and melted into a puddle while the mental Battousai cackled evilly. Big wide violet eyes peered out from the puddle, and a huge goofy grin plastered itself somewhere in the goo.

"Of course I do, Kenji-chan." He said, smiling (and trying not to look like an idiot). "I'm very proud of you."

"Yay!" Kenji grinned and glomped onto his father's leg. "I love you daddy!" he declared loudly, his hold tightening.

Kenshin didn't think that he could pry Kenji off of his leg, even if he wanted to. Which was scary when he thought about it. The kid had a good grip. Picking up the forgotten fish, which sat on the floor in a small heap, Kenshin moved along slowly, draggin the leg that had his son attached.

Okina prowled through the bushes, grinning like an idiot. Even he didn't know why he was in the bushes. He just was… bird…watching, yeah that's right! Pulling out some binoculars that he had gotten from a merchant not too long ago, he focused them and looked around at the daily crowd in Kyoto.

There! One sexy chick… He followed her every move with his eyes, moving his head after her as she passed him.

'Niiiice view….' He thought to himself, his tongue hanging out of his mouth.

Drool formed in his mouth and fell off the tip of his tongue, into his lap as he spotted a woman wearing strange clothes. She must have been a dancer, the clothes she wore gave away a curvy figure and a full chest. Slobbering like a dog, Okina wished that there was some way to record the woman's movements. The way her hips moved as she took a step… the way her chest bounced as she moved… she way the soft skin on her legs looked… as they moved closer and closer…and… the way she slapped him full in the face.

Wait…

Not that last part.

Okina's head reeled from the impact.

But ohhh was it worth it!

He seemed to have a photographic memory…when it came to beautiful women, anyway. But anything else (like birthday's, debts, or other important matters), he just forgot about.

And this beauty would stay in his mind until the day he died- and even then he would think of her….

Drool once again pooled on the ground.

**A/N's!**

Ehhh all for now. Mehehe.  I hope it was okay though. :) It didn't take too long, probably… 2 ½ hours to type this… but I hope it's okay. Hehe. Now that you've read it, what do you think?

Recommendations of the day::

"Meiji Ward" by shin-no-shibo. Great fic. I must say it's fun to read. Though not quite finished yet. I love your work shin-sama!

"Painted" … You can't miss it. I can't recall the authoress' name at this time. But it's rated R for dark angst. Very, very addicting fic though. A Sango/Miroku fic. :)

One last thing! If you haven't played Tales of Symphonia for the GAME CUBE, you should try it out! If you like rpg's that are different. It's great! Very much like Tales of Phantasia (if you've played that). Expect a few one-shots or something in that category. :) I'm getting anxious to write a Raine/Kratos fiction. :) Definitely give the game a 10/10 as far as fun/gameplay/story. Woohoo!

::Many pawprints and such::

-Kitten Kisses

**Review Responses. :)**

EVERYONE - It makes me very happy that so many people like this…. But even so, it's not an easy task to come up with chapters. Every fanfiction is on Hiatus. With a job and other things to do (sleep is good ) I don't have every day of the summer to write. Therefore I apologize since I really don't know when I will update next. If you need anything/have suggestions for any of my stories, feel free to email me (chibizebra yahoo . com. )

Shilvigrl/Amyjenc1- Hehe, thanks for reviewing :)

Hitokiri Miao Miao- Sorry it was short. ;; I hope this is longer?

Namiko-Daughter of Sekhmet- I'm glad you liked it! =) How was this chapter?

Sword-girl- Lol, time of the month sucks, sure… but I wouldn't know anything about snowboarding trips, lol. I'm so sorry that I took so long to update…but I have to say that you inspired me to do so. Hehe

Leila Jenkens- Do you really think that this is one of my best? Lately, I haven't been depressed enough to write…well, angsty stuff. :)

Angi-chan - Thanks for the comment. I'm glad you think it's funny, but poor Misao! I just love putting her in difficult situations, ya know?

TheYeti02- Hehe I'll take "clever" as a huge compliment. :) Thank you so much!

Sakura Butterfly- Sorry this isn't such a …quick update. :( But hopefully the rest will come slightly quicker. =) I like your name, BTW… I couldn't remember if I told you that or not.

Bunnys123- I'll sure try to finish it! I hate leaving things undone, but I seem to do that a lot…stares at all unfinished fanfiction…

Jaded Ayumi- I'm glad you think that the chibi's are kawaii! =) Did you like the chibi's here? Not as many though, sadly. Maybe next chappie! :)

Mako-Kigue- I'll try to get chapter 6 out sooner. Lol. I hope this was okay. :)

Mistress Battousai- Oh dear! I don't want to abandon any of my writing pieces. I just get writers block so darn bad, it lasts for months! Plus, I haven't had an ounce of Misao and Aoshi for more than 6 months…sigh

SoT'n'Kenshin- I'm glad it make you laugh! I try to write so that people will find it enjoyable, rather than boring. Sometimes I fail though, lol. ;;

Usagi-Chan=P- I'm glad you love it. The next chapter should come by fairly quickly, I'm thinking.

Aikyo-chan- Hehe…yeah, sorry this chapter took so long…

lollipop313- Here's an update…nearly 6/7 months later! Sorry…

Lana- I'm glad you like it!

Death Scythe X-9- Hi! I haven't been to IGN in forever. Lol, and I'm still stuck on the same chapter in Fire Emblem too. Hehe nervous laughter I'm glad you think it's funny.

SSJ-KybokSilverfang- And it has finally continued…after being on hiatus forever, my brain has kicked into UPDATE MODE! ;)

Ashcandy- Thanks for your review :) I'm happy that you like the story so far.

Moocowgirl400- MOO! I love cows. :) Hehehe… here's your update!

Pink Hair Rini )- I guess I needed the luck… Without it, it might have been another 6 months before this chapter came around!

animegurl1989- Thanks! I'll try to keep it going now. :)

monkeysme- Interesting name! Well… this update wasn't very fast, lol. But it ish here, nonetheless. :)

-u will never know mee... – I would guess you are sword-girl if I didn't know better :P But I finally did update, hm?

yuhi-thedoerofevildeeds- Hehe I'm just happy to see that you reviewed at all! A lot of people read and don't review. :)

incybincer- Yeah Aoshi isn't much of a talker, is he? Hehe, he's kind of hard to write, lol… but he's FUN to write if there's humor going on!

Dadsnavygirl831- If I didn't know better, I would think you were a stalker :P Just kidding. Hehe, I'm glad you like my fic(s). :) I hope this chapter was okay.


	6. My Bloody Backside

I decided to update… I'm tired. I couldn't sleep at ALL last night. Ugh! I can't believe I've been pulling all-nighters for no reason. Darn insomnia! Ah! I can't remember if I gave permission to someone who wanted to use this idea for Fuushi Yuugi? If I didn't, the answer is yesh. Just give me basic credit, and it's all good. =D

I have 49 hours on my paycheck this week

-Chapter 6-

**My Bloody Backside**

**Dedicated to :: UnicornFan Thanks for the long review! **

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* * *

**

Kenshin sat down and started to scale the 'shiny silvers' that Kenji had brought for him. Humming lightly, he tried to ignore the feeling of little arms gripping his right leg. The kid had a great grip…probably too good though, since, well… Kenshin was just realizing that he couldn't feel his toes.

Mental Battousai and the Mental Rurouni were having a staring contest, and, well, the Battousai chibi was most certainly winning. The wide-eyed chibi Rurouni just couldn't compete with the evil glare of the chibi Battousai.

Picking up the party horn at his small chibi-ish feet, the mental Battousai chewed up a spit wad and shoved it into the horn; still staring at the chibi Rurouni. Putting the horn to his lips, he blew the spit wad straight between the chibi Rurouni's eyes.

Crossing his eyes over to stare at the spit wad, the mental rurouni peeled off the icky sticky wad of what appeared to be paper…though, with chibi Battousai around, it could have been fish intestines disguised as paper.

* * *

Okina opened his eyes and looked around with a migraine roaring through his skull like a freight train.

Drool pooled beneath him as he remembered the woman's supple figure. Picking up the end of his tongue, he rolled it and shoved it back into his mouth- where it belonged. Sitting back against a tree, he surveyed the beautiful hunny's around him. His eyes jumped from beautiful girl to beautiful girl, until finally, he spotted _the one_.

Ooooooooooohhhh mamasita! "Rowr…" he purred to himself as he stared her up and down. What a set she carried! He oogled her chest as it bounced up and down. Licking his lips, he watched as she turned to the side. A long slit came up to nearly her waist.

Nice legs too! So long and…slinky…

_'I wonder if she's….bendable?'_ he wondered to himself. _'With legs that long, I bet she can do all sorts of things!'_

Drool dripped from his chin and landed in his lap.

"Yummeh…." He said around a mouthful of slobber. His gaze followed her chest's every move. And move they did! This way, and that way…and…

He had the horrible urge to bite something. Hard.

Though something soft and fleshy like only a woman could be wouldn't be a bad option.

She was bending over to pick something up! Taking a mental photograph, he continued to watch her until she faded from sight.

* * *

Had she known that it was going to be _this_ heavy, she would just rolled up a sheet and shoved it in her pants. Well, underclothes anyhow.

Her butt was all sticky and red, she just _knew _it.

Poor Aoshi was next…

'Poor Aoshi!?' chibi Misao cried from in her mind. "What about poor me? Aoshi's not the one raggin' it all over the ground! It's me--! I mean, you!"

Misao could see it too… Chibi Aoshi in his off-white yukata, peering around behind him to see a round stain on his backside.

Aoshi's perfect hindquarters would be ruined by the end of the day… She sighed as another demon gnawed away on her stomach. Chibi Aoshi riding on a winged piece of sheet sliced away at little demons with large fangs.

Weird…

"Misao?" Aoshi asked slowly.

"Yes, Aoshi-sama?" she answered as politely as one could, while thinking the entire time that the person you're talking to will end up with a bloody backside any time.

"Are you _sure_ that you are well?"

"Are you sure you want to know?" she asked mysteriously. Images of chibi Aoshi and Misao still in her mind. Only, now she and Aoshi-sama were riding on winged sheets…battling Shishio- who was also on a winged sheet, alongside Yumi.

"Aa…I am sure…" he answered cautiously, almost scared to hear what she was going to say.

"I'm bleeding like hell over here!" she shouted from behind him, making Aoshi's eyes go wide. "Not only that, but I keep seeing freaky things when I space out! How many people do you know who dream about winged sheets with people riding on them?! I'm going CRAZY!"

…………

"You're injured?" Aoshi questioned, pretending he hadn't heard the second part. How disturbing…then again, he had been thinking about strange chibi's too. In fact, right then, a chibi Battousai skipped through his head, blowing on a party horn while a chibi rurouni followed in hot pursuit.

Kenshin was trying to catch himself.

How odd. Well, that would make Aoshi himself odd, for thinking such a thing.

_'Dense as a brick, dense as a brick!'_ Misao chanted in her mind. "Errr…never mind," she answered quickly.

Aoshi thought. And thought. And thought. Of course, he came up with some scary conclusions to Misao's strange-ness. Though none of them were right.

The room was plunged into silence for…five seconds, well, until Misao opened her mouth.

"Let's play "I Spy" Aoshi-sama," she suggested. "It'll pass the time until Omasu and Kaoru-chan find that key…"

Aoshi cocked an eyebrow. She was a strange one indeed. "Okay….." he answered slowly, looking around the room for something to "spy". "I spy…something….red," he started.

Misao's face drained of all color as soon as the word "red" cam out of Aoshi's mouth. Red…red…red….menstrual…red…red….. "B….blood?" she stuttered.

"What?" Aoshi asked confusedly. "Blood? Where? I was talking about the ink on your desk…"

"I can't see my desk right now, Aoshi-sama," Misao sighed in relief. "I'm facing the other way…"

"………Why are we playing this, Misao, if we are facing opposite directions?"

"Good question." They sat in silence for what seemed like a century, but, in reality, was only about thirty seconds. "Weird…" Misao muttered, thinking to herself.

"Pardon?" Aoshi asked, confused as usual. He must have missed something while he was having mental images of paramecia having conversations…and…they slid over one another. Maybe it was their equivalent of sex? He shuddered, horrified at where his mind led him when he was bored.

"Errr…" Misao shook her head from behind him. "It's amazing what you can think of when you're bored, ne Aoshi-sama?"

"Aa…that's true…"

Misao tried to take the picture out of her head. That breakfast food…that the English ate a lot…not sausage… Bacon! She was thinking about bacon. She couldn't figure out what the bacon was doing, however. The bacon had no arms, legs, or eyes. No expression. But somehow, the way the one strip of bacon flopped crazily on another strip of bacon gave her the willies. She could have sworn she saw the bacon wink…

Kinky….

It looked like the bacon was…

Were they having sex?

How was that possible?

Bacon didn't have sex… or…did they?

Kinky bacon sex…

She smiled. Sure, it was weird, and scary…but it was also random! Random-ness was the best medicine in the world. Sure, it wouldn't take away the pain of the stomach-chewing demons, but it did sort of take her mind off of them…if not for two seconds.

The bacon left her mind only to be replaced by marshmallows, sliding over one another, squishing together warmly.

Now…now she was wondering about her sanity.

The images disappeared.

She grinned.

Chibi Aoshi danced across her mind in a pink tutu, white tights, and pink shoes.

Then again….. maybe…maybe she wasn't okay. Maybe she really was going crazy… What if she had a horrible mental disease?

Of course, Aoshi was wondering the same thing about himself. The paramecia left his mind, for about a millisecond, when, he could have sworn her heard some funky music in his mind. Music that was so weird, so …crappy, he wasn't sure if he was okay in the head or not. It was 70's porn music. Of course, our dear Aoshi-sama couldn't possibly know this.

The paramecia were back, sliding across one another, strip dancing across the screen. Next, two strips of bacon shook their…hips? As they moved sensually to join the paramecia in the land of sanity. Two marshmallows made freaky squishy sounds to the beat of the music as they tumbled across the screen…

No… No, he was not okay.

Definitely not.

Actually, he was far from it. Further from it than anyone knew.

As the images disappeared, he had the horrible urge to pump a fist into the air and scream a victory chant. A mental picture of Misao in a black and aqua cheerleader's outfit frolicked into his mind. As the mental chibi Misao waved her pom-poms around to a shout of victory, he mentally tried to change the station. Weird.

Unfortunately, two seconds later, he wished he had just continued thinking about chibi cheerleader Misao. The next mental image was of chibi Misao and chibi himself… sitting on the floor of her room, back to back. He would have thought it could be considered "cute" except for one fact. A puddle of red was appearing under Misao, and it was getting all over his chibi self!

Ack!

Little chibi Aoshi's eyes went wide as he felt the strange thick liquid seep into his yukata. Lines of despair were scribbled all over him while tears streamed down chibi Misao's face like twin waterfalls.

Blood…Misao….. she said…and he…and…and….oh no….

Oo

Aoshi wished that he didn't have such a wild imagination. It wasn't that he didn't like Misao, since he did… He just didn't want her bodily juices on his booty. It could be a horror story… "My bloody booty". He almost laughed, if not for the fact that now that he thought about it, his rump could be coated in sticky red liquid at any given moment.

Yummeh…

**_Not….!_**

* * *

Kaoru sighed and turned to Omasu. "Mou! I give up! It's not here!"

"Oh well… I'll hold Okina down while you kick in the door," Omasu suggested.

"I don't think Aoshi would be too bloody happy about having a door kicked into his face," Kaoru sighed. Then backtracked through what she just said and groaned.

"Haha…ahhh…." Omasu coughed. "Anyway, let's go…"

Kaoru started to walk forward, but then she stopped suddenly. "Wha?" she mumbled, bending over to see something peeking out from under her sandals. "I thought I was stepping on some--!!! Omasu! Here it is!! It never even made it into the lake!" Kaoru was grinning ear-to-ear.

Omasu smiled widely. "And to think that we missed the lake! How pitiful!"

"Oh hush!" Kaoru said, sticking out her tongue. "Let's hurry up and get poor Misao-chan out of there before Aoshi-san gets a soggy bum."

* * *

I'm so lazy. XDD Anyway, I started a ToS Fanfiction. mallet comes from the sky and crashes into authoress' skull I'm sorry! whimpers I'm not sure how long I'll last on it before I hit major writer's block.

This story should end within…oh, five chapters- at the most. All of the mental things…were definitely from real-life experiences. snicker It gets boring at Subway, ok? =P

* * *

**Personalies**

Sakura Butterfly- Sorry it took so long to update! I thought I would have time sooner but I just didn't. =) I'm glad you liked all of that! Really, I am. =D I love it when reviewers tell me what their favorite part was/is. That way, I can write more things that my readers like.

Jt- Thank ya! =D

Uterus and cookies- err…yeah. Some of us are adults who have real world lives and don't have time to update every other day. ;) Thanks for reading though!

Krista/Sword-Girl- Yeah, poor Jarred sniff sniff Ahaha! I don't feel too sorry for him. LOL He would probably have too much fun with the story, ya know? Aww I'm sorry to hear about your friend being asked out by your crush. =/ That must suck…

Unicorn-Fan- Well, yes…messed-up is a good word for this story. =D The Battousai parts are just little mental images in Kenshin's mind. Chibi Battousai and Chibi Rurouni. ;) bats eyelashes I think as a little boy, Kenji must have been an ADORABLE kid. Hehe. Hey hey, I did write a Kratos/Raine fic. Well, I started to… I posted up the first chapter (well, I will post it right after I post this ) …Kratos hasn't even showed up yet. LOL BTW, I don't know WHAT happened to "Someone Call A Doctor- Wait! I Am A Doctor!"… I guess just hates me. sniff sniff Thanks so much for reviewing!

Chaingunner- You mean I freaked you out? bats eyelashes and cackles evilly Of course I aim to surprise you…I am the queen of Randomness. And you probably noticed the kinky bacon sex in this? Haha…I couldn't resist, really, I couldn't. My mind works in mysterious ways…scary music plays in the background ish glomped uber glomps back Muah! I love you! =D

Dadsnavygirl831- What do you think of this chapter? LOL Eep! hides from gun peers out from under desk Don't hurt meee… whines

DarknessisForever- I checked into it- it was deleted! I never got an email or anything from , so I'm assuming it was an accident! (if deletes it for rating/abuse/etc they'll email you saying why, and they'll let you know your account is locked for three days). I'll have to edit it a little bit and re-post it! sigh I can't believe I lost all those reviews and such! Thank you so much for bringing it to my attention! hands a cookie

Scitzy- Thankies! Here's an update for you! =D

SSJ-KybokSilverFang- Let's just hope Aoshi doesn't freak out or anything! Thanks so much for reviewing! =D

Mako-Kique- Well this was slightly sooner than last time, lol.

Leila Jenkens- drum roll It's ready! WooT! I hope you liked the mental parts in this chapter! Lol

M.S. Arashi Sumeragi- =D huge smile I like your review! Hehe, thanks so much for reading! I'm glad you like it!

Aikyo-chan- alive? Nahhhh I'm a ghost…and I'm planning on taking over the world now that I can move through walls and such. XD I hope you like this chapter!

Angi-chan- Hehe, thankies! How was this chapter?

MonkeysMe- I wanted to get this chapter out sooner, but I just couldn't find enough time to come up with ideas for it. I couldn't sleep last night, so when everyone else left for school in the morning, I typed this up. I hope it's ok!

Grlangel- Hi! It's all good really. =D I get writer's block all the time. Ask any of my reviewers. This story is the easiest to write though. I have ideas for some of my others' but not really…I don't want to ruin them with a horrible update. Lol. Take your time. =) School keeps you busy.

Misanda- Thanks! I'm glad you think it's original… I'm not sure why I started writing these things anyway. Probably because I'm a psycho. Lol. I hope this chapter was okay. =D


	7. Once Upon a Red River

Chapter 7

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I've got very bad writer's block, and I'm far from being in a humorous mood anymore, so forgive me if this sucks.

Misao sighed to herself yet again as her predicament settled into her mind. She was on the floor, tied to someone she definitely had feelings for, and she had terrible cramps. Not to mention that she could leak blood all over him at any given moment. Her cheeks reddened at the thought, while her thoughts ran wild.

What she wouldn't give for one of those lampons right now. Or anything, really. Though, she admitted to herself, it wouldn't really do her any good to have one now. If she'd had one last night…maybe. She wondered how people like her parents, and their parents had coped with this problem.

She hated cramps. And blood. Especially blood that came out of her. All squishy and red and goopy. It was just disgusting! And it could end up all over Aoshi at any given moment.

The poor guy. She felt sorry for him (for about a millisecond, anyway). Hey, though! At least he didn't have to deal with that sort of thing. He just had to worry about turning out like Okina (which, she supposed, could be a problem in itself).

She turned back to her inner thoughts, positive that it would only be a few minutes before her darling Aoshi-sama would be covered in sticky red goo. At first, her mind was blank, but then… Suddenly…

Aoshi-sama appeared, dressed in strange, western clothing. He had an odd hat on his head, and he was… riding on a strange, white thing. The white thing was cylindrical, and had a string on the end, that was tied up and held in Aoshi's hands.

Cowboy Aoshi, away! Hi-ho silver! It only took Misao a moment to recognize what this…thing, was. It was one of those lampon things that Kaoru had written about in her letter. It had to be!

She shook her head, deciding that… well, maybe for now, just dying of embarrassment would be better. Even if she lived through this, she'd never be able to look Aoshi-sama in the eyes again without picturing him riding "personal" things like horses.

-----------------------

Aoshi's eyes shifted back and forth. Whoever had lost or thrown out that key would be toast once he got a grip on their neck. Or necks- could be more than one person. Not only was he at risk of being bled on by poor little Misao, he was also at risk of going insane. His thoughts just wouldn't stay in one place!

At least the funky 70's porn music and paramecia had stopped playing in his mind, only to be replaced by 80's porn music and a weird yellow circle with a big smile on its face. Whatever it was, it was creepy. Somewhere, deep down, he was somehow grateful he'd never actually see the thing in real life.

He vaguely wondered how his teacups were doing without him. Were they still alive? If anybody had even harmed one little…uh, part of one of them, he'd wring their necks and turn them into chicken feed. He would never be able to live without his friends.

Or without Misao, either, but if she bled all over him, he'd be too afraid of embarrassing her to talk to her for a long while. Probably for forever, if not longer. He would end up like one of those old hermits, probably like Hiko, but without the alcohol. He'd be an angry old man, stewing for years about how his butt had gotten bloody, and how he'd been too embarrassed about possibly embarrassing the one person who talked to him on a regular basis to talk to her. Wait- was that even a complete thought? He wasn't sure.

He could feel Misao shift uncomfortably behind him, pretty much swearing under her breath. And he knew, then. HE WAS DOOMED.

--------------------------

"Key, key, key, key" Kaoru muttered to herself as she practically ran back to the Aoiya. Having a baby inside her stomach made running a little…different, but thankfully, not too bad. She wasn't far enough along.

Plus, the upside to a baby? No period!

No bleeding.

No embarrassment.

No explaining to Kenshin that she wasn't pregnant.

She sighed, as blissfully as she could while running, and wished for about half-a-second that she could stay pregnant forever. But she immediately cut that thought off, as she realized that Kenshin didn't have a fetish with pregnant women, even though Okina probably did. Ugh, what a horrid thought.

She'd rather rag it for two weeks straight. Yep.

Now that she had those neat 'lampons' of Megumi's, she could go forever without worrying about any…mishaps.

She picked up her pace and tried desperately to make it back to Misao before anything bad happened. Not that it wasn't bad enough that they were tied together, or that Misao had bad cramps and heavy bleeding. She would have to make it a point to mention to Misao (in Aoshi's presence, of course), that if she were pregnant, she wouldn't have to deal with things like that. And besides, heavy bleeding usually meant that you were very fertile, practically ensuring a pregnancy.

Though she wasn't sure she could handle Aoshi's Glare-of-Ice should she say such a thing.

---------------------

Yahiko sulked in a corner of the Aoiya, surrounded by various vegetables and many knives. What he wouldn't give to use one of those knives for stabbing, threatening, or even outright killing.

He was here to relax, not to work!

But he sighed to himself and thought of some good revenge tactics. First, if Misao hadn't been locked in her room, she'd be working instead of him. Hmm… She'd probably locked herself in there; maybe even barricaded the door with a heavy desk or something.

Or maybe he was just pissed off cause he was chopping vegetables rather than actually eating. Or just slacking off. Anything was better than working. ANYTHING.

Suddenly, a loud noise made him glance up. The shoji to the kitchen shuddered as someone struggled to pull it open. Whoever it was appeared drunk.

…It was Okina.

"Are you drunk, Okina-san?" Yahiko heard Kenshin ask.

"Drunk?" the old man practically slobbered. "Drunk? I _am_ drunk! Drunk on LOVE!" He cackled in an almost insane voice. "Some o' them hotties out there had bodies so beautiful…" he sighed, "I could have lost myself in them for days!"

"Oro!" Kenshin nearly shouted, shaking his head to clear his thoughts. Chibi Battousai was cackling madly, toting his party horn around, and shoving a beautiful pink sparkly pointed hat on the Chibi Rurouni. Music was cued, and the Chibi Battousai started to do some strange sort of dance…

Kenshin tried to tune out the strains of _Heyyy Macarena!_, but to no avail. Maybe it wasn't a dance after all. Maybe it was some sort of ritual. Or…something.

Suddenly, the music changed, and voices were talking in his head. Chibi Battousai kicked the Chibi Rurouni to the far corner of the world just as Chibi Kaoru walked in. He could hear the strains of the new song, and struggled to understand the words.

_It doesn't matter, what you wear  
Cause it's only gonna be  
You and me there.  
I'm having a party  
A party for two  
Invitin' nobody,  
Nobody but you  
You'll be sexy in your socks…_

Kenshin glared at himself. Which was hard, because…it was impossible for everyone but the most elite. What a ridiculous song. The Chibi Battousai looked down at his socked feet and grinned, waggling his eyebrows.

_Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!_ Kenshin mentally screamed. What about my feet? Aren't they sexy too?

He gave a dejected sigh and pried Okina off of the floor. No more brain parties for him.

-----------------------------

"Misaooo!" Kaoru called from outside the shoji. "Are you still in there?"

"No," Misao said loudly, pretending to be astonished. "Obviously I'm not here! I escaped all by myself using my awesome ninja abilities- OF COURSE I'M STILL HERE!"

Kaoru giggled and put the key in the lock and turned it. "Isn't this great? Aren't you glad we found the key?" She waggled her eyebrows up and down at the sight in the room. "Whoa, you two have quite the setup here. Not really the position I'd have picked, but…"

"Kaoru! Shut up and help me!"

Kaoru ambled her way over to her friend and cut them loose before helping Misao up. "Now, why don't I help you into…something more comfortable."

Aoshi looked around nervously before decided he should escape before something else happened. Who knew if blood could shoot out of her like a canon… He really didn't want to find out.

He would have to do a lot of meditating, he decided, as he heard odd music in his head. Chibi Aoshi and Chibi Misao were dancing along to it. It was…disturbing, to say the least. He shuddered in horror as he made his way out the door.

_You can know it,  
It's electric!  
Boogie-woogie-woogie  
You can hold it,  
It's electric!  
Boogie-woogie-woogie  
You know it's there,  
Here there and everywhere…_

A few minutes later, Misao burst into tears.

"Kaorruuu!" she whined, burying her face in her hands. "I was this close! THIS CLOSE to bleeding all over him!" She turned tear-filled eyes to her friend, and shook her head. "I think he knew, too. He couldn't wait to get out of here!"

"Oh, don't be silly," Kaoru said, trying to convince her that she was wrong. "His head's as thick as a concrete block. No way would he know. He probably had to use the bathroom or something… And hey! Who knows? Maybe he was about to explode all over you!"

"T…that's not funny!" Misao shouted, her face red.

Aoshi sneezed from the outhouse, and flipped the page of the book he was reading.

-----------------

**_A/N:_** Okay, that's all for now. Sorry about the length, I know it's short. It could be another year before I update, and I'm apologizing in advance for that. I hope somebody thought this was funny, because I didn't even really crack a smile while writing it. Meh.

Quick notes:

-Lampon- Tampon

-Aoshi's getup in the beginning- Cowboy Aoshi, riding a tampon

-Weird yellow smiley- the WalMart Smiley

-Songs used were: "The Macerena", "Party for Two", and "The Electric Slide". I have the second two if you want to hear them.


End file.
